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A 26-year-old phlebotomist who lives in Grand Rapids, MI. His interests include movies, linguistics, philosophy, religion & spirituality, comedy, and sexuality.

A lot of times, “suicidality” doesn’t mean planning out how you’d do it. It doesn’t mean having a note written, or gathering supplies, or dispersing valuables amongst your loved ones. It can be as quick as a fleeting thought while waiting for the light to turn green. “What if I just…let go of the brake…” “That’s a long way down…If I took just two steps…”

Photo Credit: Brett Sayles on

Admitting you feel this way can be difficult. It requires a lot of vulnerability. It might affect the way some people view you, for better or for worse. Personally, I’ve managed to adapt and learned…

John Oliver exploding 2020 (credit: screengrab from Last Week Tonight)

I know I’m not alone in this. 2020 was a preposterously bad year for almost everyone who wasn’t already a billionaire. Obviously, an unprecedented global pandemic soured the year pretty early on, but beyond that, it felt like something was cosmically incorrect with this year. I fell off hard with my writing, and did my third voluntary stint in a psych ward this summer, struggling with depression and suicidal ideation. I’m recovering, and while I doubt I’ll ever be at a point where I don’t wrestle with depression, I’m getting better at handling it.

2020 took some bright stars in…

There are plenty of articles out there about the dangers of pornography, the exploitation of women that takes place, all the seediness and ugly aspects of the sex industry, and I’m not trying to deny any of those. However, it isn’t without its silver lining, and I want to bring attention to that.

For most societies over our collective recorded history, some manner of pornography has existed in one form or another. From cave drawings to pottery emblazoned with graphic sexual depictions, all the way into the 21st century’s digital proliferation of every conceivable genre of pornography. With this country’s…

Image from SteveLuker on Getty Images

Most of us were raised to believe that contentedness is virtuous. Gratefulness is one of the most valuable virtues; there is a slight distinction, however, between contentedness and gratefulness. The latter is indisputably important, while the former can easily turn into complacency. One can be grateful, while not yet content. If you’ve ever received a gift that you weren’t all that thrilled about, but didn’t want to insult the gift-giver, you’ve practiced this yourself.

It’s critical to understand that just because something is a certain way, doesn’t mean that’s how it should be. Going through life with this mindset: “the…

(Painting: Journey of the Wounded Healer Panel II by Alex Grey)

As any experienced delinquent will tell you, probation is not very much fun. Urinalysis is ultimately only effective for detecting THC use, and that was, and still is, my personal drug of choice. Monthly or even biweekly urine tests aren’t a reliable way of detecting a regular use of alcohol, cocaine, opiates, or acid. Fortunately for me, in a sense, I’m only really prone to abusing the last one out of those four. So while I was on probation, I developed a habit for the tasteless tabs and became a tripped-out troublemaker. Although acid is significantly cheaper and less lethal…

(Image from mrwriteon on

When asked “What is the difference between discipline and punishment?” by my therapist for the first time, my knee jerk reaction was to joke it off, and I replied “I don’t know, spelling?”. Internally, I hated that I didn’t have an actual answer. I was aware there was, or should be, a distinction there, but it was lost on me. He elaborated, “Punishment is hurting someone because they wronged you: ‘You hurt me, so I’m going to hurt you.’ Discipline is instructing them, and working with them to correct the behavior.”

In my own upbringing, I was the firstborn, as…

Credit: Image by Les Bohlen from Pixabay

First things first: I should point out that while I personally DO believe in the divinity and resurrection of Christ, I have a difficult time classifying myself to the satisfaction of most Christians. I am more skeptical of the Bible than most, because I understand the contortions that emperors and oppressors enforced upon it. I believe the Word of God incarnate was Jesus Christ, not the texts in which humans documented his life. This distinction alone ostracizes me from connection within most churches, especially when included with my penchant for psychedelic plants and my propensity for using the word “fuck”.

This is an intense story. I don’t recommend spiritually sensitive people read it in its entirety, but I do think it’s one worth sharing.

Encountering the spiritual world through a psychedelic experience can be as terrifying as it can be wonderful. As far as we can trace our history, we’ve been consuming strange and wonderful plants to alter our states of consciousness. …

S​tand-up comedy is essentially the art of storytelling mixed with humor, both of which are as old as humanity itself. What we recognize as stand-up today has its roots in circus acts, minstrel entertainment, monologues, and other forms of the one-man-show. In the early and mid-2000s, stand-up comedy seemed to be losing a lot of the substance and culture that was so formative to it. As the legends like Pryor and Carlin died out, so too it seemed did the passion and authenticity. Major players like Dave Chappelle were disenfranchised by the media machine. The material drawn from raw human…

Alexander Wilson

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